Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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