im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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