Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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