hell yes lets make some ravioli
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i will never coherently bang her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
