Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
