How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
