then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize