well I can't set my house on fire every night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
