I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
