There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize