I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
