I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
