she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
