in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
