i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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