my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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