all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
