At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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