i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
