Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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