I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
