not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
