I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
