We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize