tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
