I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
