if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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