Your tits are I can't wait for
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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