found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
