so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
