He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
