I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Text me some of your sweat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
