i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize