I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
