Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
