If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
