Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
