you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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