just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
