Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
