Tell her she can't have a vagina
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
