Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You ruined the universe
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
