jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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