Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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