He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
