I want to make a zoo with you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
