where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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