i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
