I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As shirtless as possible
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize