Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
