We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
