Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
