I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
