I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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