hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
