whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
