i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
