Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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