I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
