Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
