I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
