Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
