cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
