I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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