I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
