He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
