You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
