As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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