Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
