I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
